Know What You Want and How To Get It

imagesLooking back at our entry on Values (“Know Your Values, Know Yourself”) you should have identified your top 5 values and we hope you are feeling pretty good about them.

Understanding our values help us develop our sense of self-awareness.  The more we know about ourselves, the more aware we are of what we need, and like, to be centered and grounded. Also known as being our ‘authentic’ self.  The more we are authentic, genuinely showing up as who we truly are, the more comfortable we are in our skin.  We are also happier and more fulfilled.  Understanding our values also helps us understand our triggers in emotional conversations.  Generally speaking, when we start to feel our emotional buttons being pushed it is because one of our values has been compromised.  When we have a greater understanding of our values it becomes easier to make sense of our emotional buttons and how we allow them to be pushed.  This also allows us to build our relationships when in emotional situations rather than have them be sabotaged.

For example, if you value honesty and you feel that someone is being dishonest with you – your emotional buttons are going to get pushed.  When we aren’t able to make sense of the reasons our emotions are setting off it is easy for us to become defensive, blaming, judging and shaming.  This is when we say things we don’t mean and do things we often later regret or wish we could take back.  When we are able to make sense of the reasons our emotional buttons are being pushed, ie a value has been compromised, we can acknowledge it and make sense of it so that we can control and understand our emotions rather than them controlling us.  This allows us to have deeper, more meaningful and connected relationships.  We are going to delve deeper into this in the weeks to come.

So, it follows that when we have our top 5 values and we know that our lives are in alignment with, and we are living these values, we feel great about ourselves. We feel grounded and connected. We feel happy and fulfilled.  We feel nourished.  We also have a deeper understanding of what sets us off emotionally allowing us to build our relationships in those emotional moments rather than break them (again more on this to come).  So, it is important to ensure we embrace our values and be mindful that they are always front and centre in our lives.

Right now, looking at each one of your values, how many are truly incorporated into, and aligned with, your life?  How are you choosing to live each one?

For those not completely in alignment, what could you do differently to incorporate more of your values, really live life large, perhaps choosing to include all of them?

Here is a tip – it can be a challenge to live in alignment with our values if we are unclear on what we want.  We have found that when we get really clear on what we want, we make it happen and bring it into our lives.  As one client liked to refer to it:  “No map, no destination”.  Think about it, it is next to impossible to get to the place you want to go if you are unclear on where that is. NO MAP, NO DESTINATION.  When we get crystal clear on what we want (destination) we can then map out what we need to support ourselves to get exactly what we want.   When we don’t know what we want, we tend to go in circles never truly accomplishing our desires, leaving us feeling frustrated, confused, and challenged.  Essentially, we are unable to live in alignment with our values.  It is also hard to build relationships that are fulfilling when we don’t understand what we want or need to fulfill ourselves.

Over the last 8 years, we have observed that people are really good at figuring out what they don’t want and seem to have difficulty gaining clarity on what they do want.   With the help of your values guiding you (those non-negotiable qualities that make you who you are), take a moment to gain clarity around what it is that you truly want.  Give yourself permission to be honest with yourself and WANT what will truly make you happy.   Like our values, our ‘wants’ are unique to us and until we are able to identify them, it is impossible to achieve them.  Once we become crystal clear around what we want, we can focus on that and ensure we have it in our lives.

For example, one of my top five values is adventure.  It does not always get honoured in my day-to-day life.  Now each week I focus on how I want to bring adventure into my life that week.  I determine what I WANT to do to ensure I have adventure in my life.  I am much happier with clarity around what I want in my life each week.

We invite you to set an intention around what you want and focus on it.

Perhaps start with just one value.  What value do you need to bring into your life more to support what you want?

What do you want to do to ensure you embrace this value?


“My Phone Is Off For You”

Phonekerchief2-16x9_jpg_700x394_crop_upscale_q85Valentines Day is around the corner and whether you like to celebrate it or not, we feel everyone will appreciate this clever and cheeky gift/ accessory.


We discovered this on AHALIFE and fell in love with it – a cellphone signal-blocking hanky to help your favorite multi-tasker live in the moment.    This playful and “romantic” phonekerchief is made with real silver to safely block cell phone signals leaving no opportunity for distractions.

Let’s face it we have all been there.  Having dinner with a loved one or friend and you can’t tell who is getting more attention you or their phone?  This constant checking of the smart device makes you question why you have taken valuable time out of your day or night to be sitting across from someone who shows little interest in being with you.   It feels like that person is not fully listening to you, like they aren’t interested in spending time with you – they are not seeking to see, hear and understand you!

We all struggle to listen to others, this we know to be true.  While it is one of our most basic communication skills it is also a skill that most of us have little to no awareness around when we are and are not actively engaged in it.   It is a skill we take for granted, assuming we do it well and rarely consider practicing.   It is also THE most fundamental skill in building successful relationships.  When we don’t fully listen to others it is impossible to build respectful or nourishing relationships.  Think about it, how often do you have awareness around when you do and do not listen to others?   How does that affect how you build your relationships?

In honor of Valentines Day, we invite you to set an intention around your listening.  Be a curious observer of yourself and have awareness of when you are listening and not listening to others. We invite you to practice “MY PHONE IS OFF FOR YOU” when you are sharing time with other people – be it your friends, family or coworkers – be in the moment and enjoy their company.  It shows them respect, that you value your time together and that you are interested in getting to know and understand them.   (For more on listening check out: How what you listen to is affecting your health and productivity, How to Listen so people will talk, What does your listening style say about you?)

*Next week we will continue from last week’s blog on Values.  Be sure to bring the values you identified and see how they affect you in emotional conversations.